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because this is the weekend it is

Kiota first, an excerpt from July 31, 2007:

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"... I don't have to feel emaciated to feel okay about myself. I don't think I deserve to be raped. I have people I can trust ... and for once ... they're not the only reason I'm living. I'm actually living for me. Because life's kind of fun, once you get used to it.

My point is... I've been through a lot of shit. People have given up on me and I've given up on me. People have said to my face that they don't think I'm going to make it. That if I didn't kill myself someone else would do it and a week later my body would be found in some gutter. I've lost friends because they couldn't stand to watch me slowly kill myself.

But I *did* survive. And it was worth it. There is good in the world. I once thought there was no chance in hell I'd ever want to live. To live not because I felt obligated to live, not because I was scared to die, not because I didn't want to hurt my family, but because I actually WANT to live. And yet I do.

So. Hang on. It IS worth it in the end. "

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And this is Elizabeth Tedmon writing, one of Anna's cousins from Texas, who on April 21 posted an insightful account of the ceremony held a half-year ago yesterday in Israel:

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"While I was in Israel, one of the women who had prepared Anna's body for burial came up to me and told me that when she saw Anna's face, it was the most peaceful expression she'd ever seen. She said she looked like an angel, like she was only sleeping."

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Pachelbel's Canon in D is playing while I write this out again.

If there is any message Kiota wants us to have again, it's from that July 31st. Not merely from the night of April 12.

It's the hardest thing, sometimes, to walk on her bridge, to re-define what life is, to move along the time and space travel that will help distance us from grief. I know it is for me.

But: "So. Hang on. It IS worth it in the end."

And in the beginning too. All of the beginnings. In those ways she is only six months old now.

And smiling and holding kitties too. Yours. Mine. Ours.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 20th, 2008 11:42 pm (UTC)
This was beautiful, Brad.

And like I keep saying...you keep posting these writings and I look at them and say, I could have written that; I've thought that; I've been there too. Which makes me feel connected to her, although I never met her while she lived.

She is at sweet peace at last, thank God. :)
Oct. 31st, 2008 01:51 pm (UTC)
And she carries that peace inside her and goes on sharing it outside her: with us, timelessly. More beauty-filled than ever, now that her scars are gone....
Oct. 31st, 2008 07:16 pm (UTC)
Yes, Brad, indeed. Anna is such a lovely girl -- I'm sure I would have missed it if I had met her in life, with all the crap that covered her beauty.

But she is spirit now, and in her truest form, and happy, and indeed beautiful.

Because our spirits express most deeply and clearly who we really are. *smiles*
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


kiota too late for the stars
Moonfire Marion Bridge / Brad

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