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Brad gets a lesson in art appreciation

No, this isn't the lesson. This lesson is more fun. See, it's interactive: you don't just sit in a chair and rub your pen and take notes on boring slides. But this is certainly Art and very much Appreciated.

I mean: you *do* see the cool Renaissance design pattern on Lisa's grey silk shirt, right? It might be on the test lol [As well as on the floor in a minute.]


Sooooo ...they didn't teach me this stuff about Rembrandt in college.

He died broke and they shoveled him into the grave for the poor in the very same Westerkirk church floor I posted about last time. Every 20 years or so they shoveled out the mass grave again to make room for new poor. So Rembrandt is all recycled and dissolved in one of the canals somewhere. I think he was smiling. Read on and you'll see why.

This was in the late 1680's or something. Art is business, then as now. If you end up your life with no money, you know where they put you. Now as then.

R took a good bunch of money from the proper burghers of Amsterdam because they wanted to be in one of his paintings. There's this one called "The Night Watch" [among others.] So R paints them way out in the dark background. Because not only are these dudes not your Yves St. Laurent or Donna Karan or Armani runway models, some of them are downright plug-ugly. If you wanted to date one of them and he was standing next to a horse, you'd take the horse out for oats.

So these proper burghers got their 1600's panties all in a wad and went to his house and complained that they were all but invisible, where was my money back-guarantee??? [He'd prob promised them all that each one would be up front and center [it's just good business.]]

So the Master of all Masters reminded them who the artist was [not politely] and where they could put their complaints [DEFINITELY not politely.] I dunno how to say that in Dutch but it must have been hot stuff.

His new maid was hot stuff too. As those things are measured in the 17th century. So she got knocked up with the talents of the Master. Only thing was, Mrs. Rembrandt was not exactly thrilled with this kind of artistic achievement. This caused a bit of a problem since apparently she was the moneybags of the family.

So the proper citizens zipped up their purses and went to look for their own maids and did not buy any more paintings. Tradition has it that Mrs. R zipped herself up too.

R then said screw you all, I got my maid, I got my hair, I got my balls, I GOT LIFE life LIFE life LIIIIIIIIFE!!

In Dutch, dunno how that scans to music and the Westerkirk organs. In America, flash forward 300 years from 1667 to 1967 and you got HAIR: The First American Tribal Love-Rock Musical.

Well you might not know too much about Rembrandt but you know about HAIR and apparently there were a lot more Summers Of Love than 1967. Right here next to these moist canals.

Maybe this is my summer of love too.

Wonder if I should start tutoring about The Great Masters instead of about English. I could get some pretty exciting slides going. I mean, visual instruction devices. There are even portable ones with batteries extra.

What did you think I meant?

There is only one Rembrandt, after all, and we should be respectful of his techniques.

Next up is Vermeer and I am not so close to Delft but Scarlett Johansson certainly simmers as The Girl With The Pearl Earring. The church sold me the book about Vermeer, another religious experience. Religion is business, then as now and it's not now and then, it's all the time lol. Some things are eternal, right?

Rembrandt is in the movie too: how can he cheat on his maid with Vermeer's grrl?? Right there at table, he put something in her mouth, I think it was chicken. What kind of moral Old Master is that?

I am here in Holland and so I grow all inspired by these Great Masters to work up my artistic tutoring skills and try them out on Liefe when she comes back Monday. I'll find out what she knows about all kinds of art. After all, she's Dutch, right?

I dunno if she has any pearl earrings. Or if she'll take them off.

But she "works" at LUST and that's a start *rofl at 2:35 AM*

MissingNothing, you gotta come over here asap. Then you can really say that you Miss Nothing lmao

You're taking Art now too, right?

I know it's only rock and roll but I love it, love it, yes I doooooooo.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 14th, 2008 03:33 am (UTC)
I read your journal and get the dirt on Rembrandt -- I love it!!!!
Sep. 14th, 2008 09:25 am (UTC)
But but But Miss meow: Dirt ?? ??

We are talking one worldfamous dude here.

Are you saying that if you pay millions for his work now, you don' wanna know what he was doing in the next room while his students were stroking his canvas with their brushes and powdery pigments and turpentines?

Then as now: Dirt is in the eye of the beholder??

Are you saying that he was known around this town as a BIG artist for more than the size of his .... canvas??

O Meow I can't wait to visit you and we can talk all about the Great Masters.
Sep. 15th, 2008 01:36 am (UTC)
Yeah, I'm sure his students were "stroking his canvas," alright. The young attractive ones in particular. :)

You ever read Mozart's bio?

Yes, that will be wonderful!
Sep. 15th, 2008 08:00 am (UTC)
No but I saw the film Amadeus, and F. Murray Abraham and I were once in the same play at the same time of day *faints*. Different cities, however, haha.

ooh ooh "Young and Attractive?" wait a minute, we are talking serious apprentices here. am sure the Master checked all their ....credentials ... carefully, before they got in.

To his studio.

Mozart, Mozart. We are talking Austrian here, right?? Dutch might sound a lot like German but today's Amsterdammers are all about their OWN art and music, thank you. Music like Miley Cyrus. Posting about that later.

Can't understand why my batteries are getting tired out all the time???? wtf. Assume the Great Masters did not have that problem.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


kiota too late for the stars
Moonfire Marion Bridge / Brad

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