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kiota and john and anette

This will be Kiota talking for a minute [between the stars]:

*** *** *** *** *** ***


Starting slowly,
a single thread of tune:
furtive, soft,
weaving in threads,
delicate strands of music--
music within music within music.
Somehow it has built
weaving so gently I did not notice
built to intensity:
not loud
but strong.
Something is bursting
out of my heart --
I don't know whether
to laugh
or cry:
music within music,
a perfect cloth.

In case it isn't obvious, I love the Pachelbel Canon, Canon in D. I have played it on the piano hundreds of times and listened to the orchestra thousands of times, and I never tire of it. It is a work of genius.

*** *** *** *** *** ***

A double row of 18 stars, that's not an accident. This evening's a bit hard for me, exactly three months ago we said goodbye [for the last time, it turned out] and at this very moment I was zooming up Interstate 5 toward Seattle in an airport taxi and she was locked in her room, online to TeenHelp Suicide Prevention, as a client this time. Not asking for help, calmly detailing for them what she was going to do tomorrow night. Except that she said nothing about her timing.

So after I got her poem, I turned to Pachelbel. Soothing, peaceful. Then I remembered one of her fave bands: Nightwish. So I picked up their CD "Dark Passion Play" [2007] and the first thing that happened was more 'weaving in threads.'

Over on dA there is an artist called Princess-of-Shadows, real name Liliana
Sanches, much of whose recent works are digital manips of images based on these Dark Passion Play song titles: "Bye Bye Beautiful"; "Cadence of Her Last Breath"; "Amaranth"; and so on. Kiota favourited many of Liliana's images for her own collection. L states that her images reflect events in her own life. So it's immediately understandable why Liliana is a Kiota fave.

The next thing that happened to me was an "oh-shit" moment. When I strapped on my new 50mm headphones and started listening.

Nightwish is a band from Finland billed as a 'symphonic power metal quintet'. Everything on this Passion Play CD relates to night. The last one you'll ever have.

Anette Olzon Blyckert is the lead singer of Nightwish, and on this CD she's backed up by four instrumentalists and multiple choirs, two boy sopranos, Irish pipes, and overdubbing at Apple Road Studios in London, the Beatles creation.

Here's a sample:

xxx xxx xxx


Finally the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting a dead man's face red
With their own blood
They used to love having so much to lose
Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins

Jacob's ghost for the girl in white
Blindfold for the blind
Dead siblings walking the dying earth

Noose around a choking heart

Eternity torn apart
Slow toll now the funeral bells

"I need to die to feel alive"

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play only to become pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don't you see
You chose the long road but we'll be waiting

It's not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I'll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red hot blade of your words
How blind can you be, don't you see
That the gambler lost all he does not have.

Bye bye Beautiful.

xxx xxx xxx

To listen to this song as recorded is to masochistically attack your own ears. I guess it's a developed taste? The last song of the 13 is "Meadows of Heaven" which is a somewhat peaceful elegy for all of what the first 12 have put you through.

"Meadows" ends:

Dreambound for life
Flowers wither, treasures stay hidden
Until I see the first star of fall
I fall asleep
And see it all:
Mother's care
And the color of the kites,
Meadows of Heaven

::: ::: ::: ::: ::: :::

Besides on your ears, it chews on your heart, too. At least it does mine.

So I can't take all of Nightwish at once. It's awesomely well done musically and it's also awesomely terrifying. It's like the lyrics have been written by the dark side of Ki.

As I've said here before, you don't just get to love part of a person. Even though you don't have to love all the paths she walked down. It's all about awareness. Looking over the edge with her standing next to me and down there at the bottom at the same time.

No wonder she said, many times [except the last] that none of her Friends should harm themselves in any way, this was her private path and she lectured us about it.

Gonna put the credits for this in the post above.

If you don't know Nightwish and go to meet them, please be careful, kk?

I can't realy fully appreciate Pachelbel without Anette.

Did I need this, THIS night?

Did I ever hear what she told me.....I mean, on all channels?

Wonder if any of us did....


Jul. 16th, 2008 05:59 am (UTC)
Very illuminating, Ellen. Thank you.

I'm very new at online frendships, too ...[like, last August when Ki poked at me since she was closing her LJ and wanted to "keep" me? :) ] ... there were a few before that, almost always involving students I was tutoring or working on projects with, IRL, while they were temporarily traveling. But I'd met them IRL first, is the point.

I guess one of the biggest differences is what McLuhan called "cool" v. "hot" mediums of communication. Cool being online, hot having your partner right there drinking tea with you, shopping, lying in bed with; hot = a bunch of levels of communication [physical, sexual, drinking-tea-wise] and cool = reading what they've typed and replying the same way. It's only a mono-level of communication.

So a cool communication channel is hardly a guide to how well a hot one will work.

Ki was once asked about IRL and she said that she'd actually met "maybe three or four" of her 460+ online Friends....leaving out relatives. A couple of which, as a matter of fact, she banned!

The WWW is actually pretty new and the social networking sites are much newer than that. As you prob know, the first net creators and users were profs exchanging research results and info at various colleges, before they developed an international protocol for us non-brainy users to use.

I'm sure that neither Ki nor I had any real [no-pun-intended] certainty about how we would link together when we got into her dorm room instead of getting onto our computers a half-world or a total-North-American-landmass away from each other. It was part of the excitement with some fear mixed in too: difference between what she called "online persona" and real-life ones. It didn't matter how close we'd been online, here was the "real" thing.

It is, yes, certainly a new relationship to work out.

And when one of us turned out pretty quickly to be here and not-here at the same time, *that* was totally new territory too. And that was ***before*** 13th April ....

I've concluded that -- despite what I might have thought -- if I'd not been ready for everything to happen in our relationship since August 2005 --- which started with one photoprint order and two suicide episodes --- if I'd not been ready for the rollercoaster, I wouldn't have been brought the chance to get in and strap down. And I'm still very much there.

A "there" which changes, sometimes second by second. It's a lovely and amazing ride.


kiota too late for the stars
Moonfire Marion Bridge / Brad

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