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kiota and a new flash from LJ Tech support

This is from the same Tech Member who emailed me yesterday:

"I am truly sorry that this journal had to be suspended, as it was serving as a place of mourning for you and the others who knew Kiota. We have to follow the wishes of the family, however.

It is possible to have the journal reopened and made into a memorial account, but her family needs to request this. If you or anyone else know members of her family, you could contact them regarding this journal and see if they wish to change their minds on this decision."


I think the most appropriate person to do this is Lois, if she wishes. Maybe I'm another such person. But I'm not on site as she is, and don't have near the history or the closeness with her family that she does.



( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 21st, 2008 03:58 am (UTC)
Oh God, I hope they allow this!

Oh, please!
Jun. 21st, 2008 05:38 am (UTC)
-crosses fingers-
Jun. 21st, 2008 09:18 am (UTC)
I'm not going to contant Sue and Tom about it, and I don't think anybody should. She was their daughter before she was our friend, and they made their wishes clear about her journal when they asked to suspend it and be the only ones able to read its content. I don't think we have any moral right to ask them to change their mind, at least not at this point, when it's been only two months and a week and everything is still very fresh and hurting.
They know Anna mattered to many people and they know there are very many people online who miss her. I think that when they read various comments, they can also go to people's journals and see what people write now about missing her journal. But we have to respect their wishes. Both legaly and morally, they own Anna's journal and we have to accept that.
Another thing we must consider is that they were locked out of her journal for quite a while, because she made it friends-only when found out someone was reading it. So now it's only fair that the situation ought to be reverced and they have her words to themselves. I think they also need and deserve those private moments when the journal is only theirs, without us entering it and leaving comments.
I know it's hard, and I miss her as a person to hang out with and drink coffee with, and I, too, miss her name online, but behind this decision there is A MOTHER. We can't understand what she is going through. I'm not a mother myself yet. I haven't lost a child. The only thing I can do, as Lois, as not-a-mother, is to step back and respect her wishes. And the same goes about Tom.
So no, I'm not going to email them, and I don't think anybody should. There's the we_love_kiota community, which we can use to talk about Anna. We can build a memorial site. But the journal, her parents have the right to keep it to themselves, because it was where Anna was the most honest, and this is what they have left of their precious firstborn.
Jun. 21st, 2008 09:55 am (UTC)
I think my reaction is more about honoring Lois than celebrating Anna.

I don't agree *at all* that this is the best course. Because I think that once again a very powerful healing tool has been denied to many here who need it, a few needing it desperately.

But my disagreement seems somehow to be very selfish.

So I'm going to accept this course too. Being fully aware that I am not suicidal and have a very full presence of Ki with me and essentially am done with mourning what's been lost, moving into what I have now and how she is changing my life.

Among all the hundreds of us, Lois is the Friend who went to the funeral and saw and felt this tragedy very very close up. She's seen and felt Tom's and Sue's grief at a very intimate distance. Lois has been, and is, a very caring friend both IRL and online with Anna. She was the first to respond to Anna's very last post with birth imagery --- that are words so powerful to save, that if any words could have, *these* could have, especially coming from the person who wrote them. We know that Anna read them and replied. Briefly.

And, as we know if we've chosen to follow her LJ, she's suffering with a debilitating disease AND despite that, is moving forward with school and with plans to become a mother herself. So her sympathy for Sue is very powerful and real.

And so in that way is mine. I just had an email from her a few days ago, in fact. For strange reasons that I will never understand, I was able to be closer to Anna at the end than she was. Than almost everybody else was too, I guess ...

And I guess I'm honoring myself, too -- my last most recent entry [replying to myself, heh] talks about adjusting to the loss of the J and going onward. So I feel I do not need to be all knee-jerk about following the newest word from LJ.

It's quite possible that one day soon I will be actually standing in both Lachan and at Cfar Etzion IRL. And I won't be alone.

I'm beyond-words-grateful to Lois for sharing so deeply of herself, for engaging with this, once again.

Edited at 2008-06-21 09:55 am (UTC)
Jun. 21st, 2008 10:09 am (UTC)
Brad, no, this is not about how close I was or how sick I am. Please don't try to sugar-coat things and turn them into poetry.
The facts are that yes, we all miss Anna, and we all miss her LJ, and some of us are sufferring this loss to a point where it becomes very hard to maintain a firm grasp on life. But this is not about us anymore. It is a healing tool for some of us, to be reading her words, but Sue and Tom shared their daughter with us for 19 years [minus 17 days], and it is their right to not share anymore. And it doesn't make them bad people. It makes them simply parents, not to Anna but to 5 more children, who need to somehow make peace with everything that happened, regroup as a family, and move on. And I think that with all due respect to our own pain, it would be very selfish to request the journal back for our own needs - not because our own needs are insiginificant, but because frankly, we can't even begin to imagine their pain, and emailing them and asking them to open the journal because we need it and we want it and we are suicidal if it's not there, would be guilt-tripping them, and they've had enough of that. Their responcibility is to care for themselves and their children. None of us here is their child.
Jun. 21st, 2008 10:17 am (UTC)
Hmm. No, I don't think of myself as a sugarcoater or as a maker of inappropriate poetry. I'm using my J to be honest. Like you are.

What I was about to add was my *great* appreciation of your courage, which you use, and use so well, to go through each day of your life and grow.

So. I've added that right here. With the same honesty.

Edited at 2008-06-21 10:18 am (UTC)
Jun. 21st, 2008 10:20 am (UTC)
Brad, I appreciate your kind words, I really do. But I just don't think that my CF or my courage have anything to do with the subject we'talking about here, that's all.
Jun. 21st, 2008 10:34 am (UTC)
Thank you.
Jun. 21st, 2008 10:38 am (UTC)
I apologize if I offended you.
Jun. 21st, 2008 11:54 am (UTC)
Nuu, Lois, you didn't at all. But I'll surely accept your apology all the same!

In each of our separate ways, your love for her and my love for her are both so strong that the fur stands up on the backs of our necks now and then....we three certainly state the things we believe in, with power, too.

I want to apologize to *you*, too, with the same " if ".

Edited at 2008-06-21 11:55 am (UTC)
Jun. 21st, 2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
I have read your conversation with Lois here, and I think that everything that needs to be said has already been said.
Jun. 21st, 2008 04:49 pm (UTC)
Agreed, Ellen. Thank you.
Jun. 22nd, 2008 06:49 am (UTC)
Even though I understand where the family is coming from... Suspending her account saddens me to no degree. I now truly *feel* that she is gone since I can't... Connect and remember her through livejournal like I once did.

Maybe this is a nice push, you know? To stop connecting through the internet, to pursue the real world rather than the virtual world and remember her through the lessons I learned while reading her livejournal.

*hugs to everyone*
Jun. 22nd, 2008 10:15 am (UTC)
I think your second para is great, A. For me, I'm blessed enough to have a tiny time-piece IRL that Anna wanted to leave me ---- and everything we shared on webcam and over three years of journaling.

That's not enough for some of us, I know. But there is a time for everything to turn, this is another of them, and we need to carry the fire from it and not the ashes. To learn how.

Jun. 23rd, 2008 08:48 am (UTC)
i'm just saying this here because i don't have another place to say it and this is where it's being talked about.

her parents should totally do what makes them feel best, of course.

but all of the comments that she ever left me have been switched to "(Reply from suspended user)"... it just makes me kind of sick... like she never said anything to me at all or she just wasn't ever there. i know that she was. i know that she still exists with us. i just wanted to keep her words for a little bit longer...
Jun. 23rd, 2008 10:56 am (UTC)
Thank you, Alina.
At least a couple of times during the last days of her life, when we were together, she laughed just like this. It was genuine, deep, and links right in to the 'euphoria' in your icon! ... even though it's a picture from last year in Holland.

My view is that perhaps her parents are just not very Internet savvy when it comes to LJ privacy. As one of us wrote, there was / is / a way that they could have access and we could too. Since they can easily see how important her words are continuing to be to us, it's hard not to see this as a blow against each of us. But I'd prefer to believe that it's not that at all. Probably they thought it would be unwieldy for them to open LJ accounts of their own and to get LJ to unlock her enough so she could be friended too.

Also, they are VERY MUCH TOTALLY into control over what their kids are able to see on the net. Ki wrote bitterly about this more than once, feeling that this was 'overprotection' and isolation and no good [and lots of danger] could come of such ignorance. So perhaps they were fearful that access could be ferreted out by her two teenage sisters. This is certainly a way to prevent that. In fact, now that I think of it, there's nothing to have prevented her from secretly sharing her password with both of them ---- with the idea that they could have access to her life and her parents could not.

We can't second-guess it and be sure. The bottom line for me is that I have plenty of her left to me and I feel her right here in my heart as I'm typing. That's because I'm able to carry at least some of her dreams forward in my own life. And partly because she wants me to be a channel for her and a contact point for all of you ...

These are an amazing and unexpected blessing....that she's giving me.

But I *do* miss her words too.

And I really like it that you've stopped here to share what you're feeling. Please do that as much as you want, kk ??
Jun. 23rd, 2008 05:55 pm (UTC)
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )


kiota too late for the stars
Moonfire Marion Bridge / Brad

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