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kiota and the line of the sky

This icon is from a pic she took in Montana [western USA] on a sightseeing trip. She's behind the cam and now she is also in the clouds and the earth and the trees -- trees of the same kind as on her campus. Which she loves.

In the line of the sky we can learn things. Since now she is everywhere and nowhere, at the same time.

The med research I did is now over. All of the basic diagnostic stuff about her illnesses came out when she was three, four, twelve, like then. If they were any good, her pdocs should have known all about this. Took me only about two hours to put it together and I'm just an amateur. Her mental "hospital" in Israel just made her sicker. Helped make her a spectacular writer, too, but if I had to choose, I'd take Anna's new creative writing all the time over her obituary.

There's the current June issue of DISCOVER magazine on the stands now in the USA. Their website is http://www.discovermagazine.com and past articles include "Why Loneliness Is Bad For You" [Jan] and "Conquering Your Fears One Synapse At A Time" [May]. It's an easy read, solid med research background but written for interested amateurs [like me and you.] The June issue has a great article on how people with PTSD who haven't been able to be helped at all by anything else --- suddenly got helped by controlled drug therapy in a "pleasant and well-supervised environment." Drugs like magic mushrooms, E, marijuana. The lab purity varieties, not street-variable quality. And SUPERVISED, not recreational. Takes away the anxiety while your issues are effectively and safely worked on. Ki cried bitterly in those last days about being forced to go to yet another pdoc who would pick at her scars and hurt her further.

Unresolved stress if you're raped repeatedly as a child, plus what happens next to you hormonally as you mature, really screws with your brain chemistry and even warps how some of your brain cells develop. Can also affect your overall physical growth at a critical time, too [Ki only grew to 4-10 and usually less than 100 pounds].

The "unresolved" is the key. The adults in Ki's life failed her. Starting with the one that first raped her in 1998. It grew to be a big parade by 2008. The latest pdoc failed her too. Turned her down for controlled drug therapy. Intimidated her and couldn't defend what Ki knew was an inadequate treatment regimen.

It's ludicrous to expect a nine-year-old girl to know what psychiatric intervention she needs. It's more ludicrous nd terrible that ten years of agony from PTSD was allowed to continue. Adults allowed that and even facilitated it. How the hell you can screw up a young girl that badly then just say to her one day, Well, you're 18 now, we're going to drop you into the middle of a rainforest half a world away from your home and put you under a lot of college academic stress and social stress, you're adult now, so go fix yourself, have a good life. We'll buy you trinkets and clothing and granola and we expect to see A's. GAAAAH.

Yep, that's a rant. Over.

So: line of the sky. We need to help one another and we are doing that. We need to see if we can help whatever child might come to us in tears for whatever reason: not in Cambodia, maybe, in our own classroom or down our own street. We need to BE there. Anna's lesson to us.

There was another Anna, Anna Frank, who wrote "Who among us is so poor that we can't give someone a smile or a kind word?" Another talented writer. World-famous now. As Kiota could have been. And maybe will be yet, if the adults who now own the rights to her work stop failing her.

There's a reason why so many of us praised her in the same words, online: "She was always there for me." She knew what it meant to be abandoned. And how it hurt. It was her life. Go look at her portrait of "The Discarded." You won't only see her sister and Anna herself, I see me there too. And lots of others.

Not all adults fail us, of course. Mine have not, some of you have yours who aren't. And we CAN help one another. We are. We need to choose that. We are a large and caring ring of friends.

I am blessed to be in your company.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 12th, 2008 01:03 pm (UTC)
You couldn't have worded this any better.

Whenever I read Anna's entries I felt so much better. It made my days bearable. Not just because they were written beautifully but because I felt what she felt and it felt wonderful to know we were going through it together.

So whenever I checked my friends page... There was a void. I miss her a lot whenever I leave my friends page feeling so misunderstood... That was the case at least until meeting you through live journal. Your entries in a way remind me of Annas. They are filled with encouragement and truth.

Not all adults fail us, of course. Mine have not, some of you have yours who aren't. And we CAN help one another. We are. We need to choose that. We are a large and caring ring of friends.

I choose it too.
May. 12th, 2008 05:56 pm (UTC)
Her spirit fills my hands. Writing and shaping these words ...

Every moment I find a new reason why she wanted me to write my own LJ. I'm probably the most recent of us here.

We go through a lot of things together, don't we ... <3

"I choose it too." You drew a couple of tears on that one....and now, a couple more ...

I'm grateful you're here.
May. 12th, 2008 11:29 pm (UTC)
"I am blessed to be in your company."

Same goes to you, from the bottom of my heart. :)

I agree with everything you've said, and I don't really have anything to add. Except this entry reminded me of the song "Nowhere Kids" by Smile Empty Soul.
May. 13th, 2008 12:35 am (UTC)
Thanks, KA, we're totally mutual here :)

*scoots off to find "Nowhere Kids*
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


kiota too late for the stars
Moonfire Marion Bridge / Brad

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