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kiota and her water rainbow

Yeah. There's a rainbow there. Look closer. This is on the road somewhere in Northern Washington State, near her college. From a bridge. A bridge that now she has become.

One of the many pathways that takes me beyond 4/13 is through DeviantArt. I'll post the exact link at the end.

Just before midnight Saturday, with less than an hour left to spend here with us, Ki went over into her galleries one last time: she left no message, maybe added a favourite or two, studied one last time, signed off.

Six days earlier she had "favourited" Scott Church's "Today We Painted" and left these messages for Scott: "This is absolutely incredible. I think it's one of my favorite photos ever. And I have a fairly large collection of art, both online and in prints / books." Scott had made that portrait only on March 27 / 28 of this year. Just before Ki's new Quarter classes started.

Look with heart-wide eyes, linger awhile, you will totally see why she said that. No other print shows us ALL of her positive dreams along with the inert canvas springing to life but also lapsing back to inanimate materials --- canvas, wood, and paints: smeared with life once and then remaining lifeless after the models have gone and before the next viewers come.

I gave her lots of those, her art books I thought she'd like and learn from, so I know; she left us her online galleries at that site.

If you go and look carefully with the eyes of your heart you can hear hers beating. You can watch progress through her dark, and through her light also. Photos of Evergreen life. She's behind the camera so she's right there. In the photos --- but not in them --- at the same time.

There are a lot of stunning figure studies, photos from other photographers. One is a serene nude, very much alive and contented, posed against a dead and broken-plastered wall. For me, this one and other ones link directly into the new Figure Drawing class she had just barely started one week before. These photos were going to be kept as references for both her charcoal line drawings and her next photo sessions. She asked me to look at her early drawings and we talked about them. We went over to the art section of the bookstore together. She picked out exactly what she needed, to continue. We consulted about supplies. She, I, and the Customer Service Rep talked about what he'd recommend. We checked out and we shared the cost. Then she bought me chai tea: a favorite of hers. Carrying all that stuff, we wobbled happily back to the dorm.

The bright side of Kiota was there all week, and unforgettable for me, and was at least as powerful as the other side. More powerful, for almost all her life, except maybe at the end. Even at that, some of us think that April 13 was also a powerful and brave choice, equally as much as it was a purely self-centered one and a towering one of tragedy, the most tragic one she could possibly make, from through our viewfinders. Our viewfinder, of course, not from hers. Taking away all those future portraits, editing them out before they ever were even glimmered in her eye. Snapping the viewfinders shut forever .... the tragedy.

But it was her choice ---- just as much as where she was going to point her cameras, at what instant, and click one or roll the other one, and edit the results and post them for us --- or not post them.

All her life choices live on, and her 'favorite' art choices live on in her galleries and in her own photos, galleries filled with hope and pain and contrast that can speak to us forever, should we want to let them, and for as long.

If you seek her, seek her there. Over and over.



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 8th, 2008 12:18 am (UTC)
I've been reading your words and soaking them in...reminding me of Ki's beauty. All over her journal people are asking what happened in the end. To me it is all about this...remembering the art, the innocence that still remained. thanks
May. 8th, 2008 03:12 am (UTC)
Thanks, Stacy. She left us a lot of messages, and wonderful things to keep afterwards. There was plenty of innocence, eagerness to discover, beauty, and laughter. I think there still is and will be. We just have to open to all that in a new set of different ways, and there it opens up to us ....

I wish there were adequate words to tell everyone how she looked that last Friday when we sat outside on the steps. Her face was pale and beautiful and radiant, her hood was pushed back and her throat was just shining. She was staring off straight ahead for a lot of the time, and turning toward me now and then, talking quietly of her life after Ruud, coming to Texas to visit me in July, and Cambodia, and showing me the films and photos from there, and exciting new date partners, and new class projects ... of course I do not have any idea what it is actually like to be in the presences of an angel, but it must be very much like this.

There just aren't words, nor for how close she is to me right now, and to you, as I rattle away on the keyboard.

She is forming much of what I say in all this, I'm just her channel. An honored and willing one, and I'm absolutely positive she is going to have much more for me to do.

I'm glad you're here.

Blessings Be.
May. 8th, 2008 06:12 am (UTC)
i looked at her work and the ones she favorited... and they are all beautiful and inspiring in their many ways. so inspiring in fact that i started my own deviant page. http://violetclaire.deviantart.com/
only a few things there right now... but a piece of my puzzle grown from the pieces of another beautiful soul's.

thank you.
May. 8th, 2008 11:16 am (UTC)
Violetclaire ... a beautiful title. I'll visit often!
"In + spiring" -- breathing her breath in everywhere....<3
(Deleted comment)
May. 15th, 2008 02:50 am (UTC)
I understand completely. Except, I *did* know her, just a little at the end and on the web for 3.5 years. It wasn't always smooth but it was a unique blessing :)
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


kiota too late for the stars
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