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kiota and NASH

One of my LJ friends just asked THE question: what do I think about How?

So I made some educated guesses about it. Based on what I'm reading these days and what methods she'd used which had nearly stopped her life a number of times, a number of years, before now.


Strangulation with lots of drugs to dull the actual pain.

Remember that our instinct for self-preservation is one of the two strongest instincts we have. Our body will fight anything that we might do by impulse to destroy it, and fight hard. Drugs can take that almost totally away. So can total hopelessness. So can DID [Dissociative Identity Disorder].

My instinct is that if she felt anything, it was a huge wave of relief at having all her inner pain vanish. I'd like to believe she scooted right back to before age nine, on her way out --- however fast this happened --- and felt all the joys and wonders and happinesses she had felt before that first rape.

NASH refers to two things. One is the name of an old-timey boxy American car that got great mileage and had lots of room for a family. Company went broke. Totally laughed at: waaaaaaay before its time. Today it would be a best-seller. Google it and you'll see why!

The other thing comes out of Criminal Justice and I marvel I never heard about it before. Then again, the part of the CJ industry I worked in didn't concern itself with that training at all.

NASH refers to the four legal classifications of death.

S-suicide [you kill yourself]
H-homicide [somebody else does it to you]

One of these boxes is what everybody gets fitted into after the day.

There are sometimes combos like AS and AH. AH can also be known as manslaughter and carries legal penalties that are different from just H.

The Dean's letter to the campus on 4/15 was careful to say "apparent suicide".

The Dean did not make this up. Somebody told her. Probably the campus cops or the coroner.

"Apparent" is the word that's used when they want to tell you they're not 100% sure. I am sure that there was an investigation to determine with as much precision as possible when it happened, what happened, how it happened. None of us knows anything about this investigation because we are not "persons with a need to know" or members of her immediate family, like her parents, who have the legal right to know.

Many who take their own lives believe in TINA [which Ki did] [I posted about that below] and that the only thing continued life in this world means is continued pain in this world.
The ONLY thing.

Some interventionists believe that the key is to convince someone that you can both continue your life and discontinue your pain and replace it with hope and achievement. You don't have to throw away your life to throw away your pain. No matter how deep, how bitter, how entrenched your pain is. Each one of us HAS to have a reason for living. We all do, even if we can't find words for it, because --- simply, we are all still here and keeping going through various kinds of adversities with hope for tomorrow....adversities, of which Kiota's passing is a big one for some of us.

She wanted to hear from her LJ friends one last time and she didn't want to hear from us, too.

All the info I have is that Ki planned for a long time and wanted to be absolutely certain that this time would be IT.

And she was.

And it was.

Blessings Be.


kiota too late for the stars
Moonfire Marion Bridge / Brad

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