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kiota and TINA

I surfed through a lot of things at the college computer center that week, poked around the bookstore.

We will still no doubt be trying to make left-brain sense of this for a long time. There is so much known about the suicidal mind --- in fact that's the name of one of the books --- that I'm still boggled that all the therapists Ki saw from time to time couldn't effectively apply what they surely knew....in order to help her.

Yes, I know it takes two to dance and this is not a solo.

Dr. Edwin Shneidman of UCLA seems to be our national / international resident expert.

He talks about "psychache", a term he invented to describe just what it sounds like, and "lethality", the acute and immediate pressures to leave so you can get out of your world of psychache.

And he describes TINA. ...conclusions that insist There Is No Alternative.

One of the intervention methods is to get people out of TINA.

How anyone could have severed the bond between Kiota and TINA -- in time -- isn't clear to me at all. How to speak hope to someone who's drifting in and out of listening? We all tried, in our ways. Especially the TH counselors who had the last conversations with her. Long ones, hourlies, too.


Had she been begging for this intervention? Yes. Had she been begging to be left alone? Yes.

Logical? Of course not. Not to us.

There are many beautiful jewels in her life that she has left us to keep, and to use, as we go on in ours. I love mine.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 22nd, 2008 06:32 pm (UTC)
With every post, you're putting pieces of the puzzle together. It probably won't make sense, if it is ever even completed (I honestly doubt it can be, because although she shared a lot of what was going on inside, there's so much from her mind that was lost with her) but I thank you for searching and for showing some of the things that can still be learned from this whole mess.
Apr. 22nd, 2008 06:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Reya. We only saw the tip of the iceberg. We only saw the tip of the sunburst. Behind the clouds, before them.

Counseling, for sure, is a total two-way street. Trust in both lanes. If it's never there --- if it's there and wavers --- if it's there and leaves --- there's a person on the couch and nobody home because of fear. So energy and money are burned. Nothing else happens.

You can't "fix" a person the way you can fix a fuel injector.

Sometimes you just need to get a new car.
Apr. 23rd, 2008 03:05 am (UTC)
do you mind if i add you? you have such interesting things to say and i keep being drawn back here.
Apr. 23rd, 2008 03:55 am (UTC)
Yes, katie, of course. Just added you too :)
Apr. 23rd, 2008 07:37 am (UTC)
i just knew her on lj, i've been reading her for probably a little over two years. i wish i had talked to her more or gotten to know her better, but i think her articulateness and her honesty intimidated me a little, or i felt like i didn't want to intrude. i really wish i had known her better.
Apr. 23rd, 2008 08:04 am (UTC)
Yes, that can be intimidating. She would not really want you do be, though: she always was planning to welcome new friends and her postdated invitation still sits right there on top of her LJ. We just have to let her do it in another way, now.... <3
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


kiota too late for the stars
Moonfire Marion Bridge / Brad

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