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About a year ago I posted an entry titled "Touch of an Angel's Wing" where I noted that "this weekend we're measuring four years since the night Ki left us." Now, it's the similar weekend coming up, five years later.

For background, if you need it or want to see her again, go to my profile page, click on "mutual friends (52)" and you'll find her; click again there. There are links to a number of her pieces of writing and to her photographs. It's a memorial page set up a couple of years back, by a mutual Friend, to honor Ki.

Trees were a lively subject for her; one of her most dramatic photo compositions is "Sunset Street", taken in Northern Idaho, blending the dances of sun and forest mists. And, at Evergreen State College, her shared apartment in her dorm was located in a pine grove, as most of the campus is; we went walking along paths through the woods to get home, passing by a number of trees she had also photographed. Trees were a source of privacy and mystery and solace to her. She lived among them and walked many nights in the Evergreen forests.

I came across this quote last week, which resonated: "In Turkish belief, trees symbolize life in the next world. Trees also have the role of supporting the Spirit prior to birth and being a fount of life. This is expressed in the ancient Turkish prayer: 'May not even the smallest tree that provides shade be cut down.'" Probably Ki had never come across this idea, at least not consciously, though she had visited Turkey with her family. But she would have found these ideas consoling.

She titled one of her short stories, and a song as well, "To The Stars" --- and it talks of lovers rising from wordly warfare and destruction into the heavens. People study the heavens and see (also feel) vastly different things; what the native Aborigines of Australia see is as much space between the stars as it is their glowing; they also see interconnections between ancestral creators who are animate, inanimate, animals, and plants, within time existing as a circle, where powers of creation are unending and powerful, dwelling and moving in all directions (including up.) And moving back and forth between mortal and immortal existences. The Aborigines have created a world of art now on canvas and plywood, originally drops of color in the sand or painted on their bodies. What they told modern radio-astronomers astounded them, while they sat around campfires and talked about the meaning of the sky from both artistic and scientific perspectives. And of the messages of the stars.

You can see more of all this at http://www.astronomy.curtin.edu.au/ilgarijiri

The idea of time as circular -- where weekends have no 'ends' (nor does life) -- is also a theme of Jeanette Winterson. Born 30 years before Ki, in 1959, she is also a lesbian (like Ki), writer (like Ki), devastated by the breakup of a love affair (like Ki) and suicidal (like Ki.) But unlike Kiota, she survived her last attempt by succeeding in "finding the shining space between dark and dark." (That's part of a poem she quotes by Robert Graves.) JW says that in her writing "time is never linear. You always feel that everything happened just yesterday but also one hundred years ago."

Jeanette's attempt happened about the same time as Ki's, in 2008. More about Jeanette at her Wikipedia site or her own website.

Memory is a blessing in that it makes vivid for us what Kiota meant to us then and what she means to us now. Circular, in that sense.

Unending, in that sense.

Trees grow, die, and renew. Stars disperse and new ones coalesce. A shining space between darks, regardless of the depth of the dark, and all along our circular paths. To light them always.

This coming Saturday, and all Saturdays.

Blessings Be.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 10th, 2013 12:09 pm (UTC)
never ceases to amaze me how we all seem to trickle back here around that date, even if we're scarce the rest of the year, so we can connect & remember her together. She accomplished her goal, she touched peoples lives.
Apr. 13th, 2013 09:31 am (UTC)
"So we can connect and remember her together," yes yes yes. Which is why I still have a LJ: she encouraged me to Friend her, so as not to lose contact with any part of her.

And her touch on our lives continues, which I think accomplishes more of her goals.
Apr. 11th, 2013 04:35 am (UTC)
Thank you for posting this. My heart yearns when I think of our beautiful Anna.
Apr. 11th, 2013 04:37 am (UTC)
I miss her so much.
Apr. 13th, 2013 09:36 am (UTC)
Once we learn to keep listening carefully and keep watching with open hearts... she doesn't have to stay very far away at all :)

Thanks for your replies, CV!

Apr. 11th, 2014 01:29 am (UTC)
It has been a long time since I've been on LJ. It's...still a really painful reminder that she's not here anymore. I cried today on my way to work. A song that always reminds me of her began playing & it just opened the floodgates. (Cold - Ocean: http://youtu.be/yqFIyJUvGOs)

I will never get her back; it's like falling down a wave...

Edited at 2014-04-11 01:29 am (UTC)
Apr. 14th, 2014 02:46 pm (UTC)
Hi, Otter, in my LJ I just posted a remembrance of Ki for this time, for all times.

It's great that you sent me a link to the new site, I'll try it shortly! Meantime, I've just now read your entry of Nov 10, 2012 about your adventures with Luke and your breast surgery, it's a wonderful post!

My own health sucks at the moment (in fact, for the past coupla months,) cancer that is spreading, and I'll have another consult this afternoon at the hospital (just up the street from where I'm typing this.)

So I'll promise to do better at keeping you updated!

hugs from Brad
Apr. 17th, 2014 11:25 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your doctor had good news for you. Your health will be in my thoughts. I'm so sad that you're going through such horrible health problems. I don't want anything to happen to you. :(

Yes, feel free to email me anytime. I would like to be in the loop on what's going on with you. I'll do the same. :)

My own health hasn't been all that great either. I've always had problems with my digestive system but it always seemed minor so I just coped. Last year the problems increased enough that they began to interfere with my job so I've been seeing docs to figure out why these issues keep occurring. Since my younger brother was diagnosed with Crohn's a few years ago, there is a very real possibility that I could have the same or one of the other digestive sensitivity disorders.

Man, I'm bummed about your diagnosis. I really want you to stick around. For a long time.
Apr. 25th, 2014 05:53 pm (UTC)
Well... up to the minute this afternoon, the news is both bad and good. Bad: ultrasound dept has found a blood clot in my leg. Good: it's small. They are going to look at it again in seven days to see what has happened to it. In other news, gonna Email you with the email addy associated with my LJ account -- it's NOT the one I told you about before.

Totally relate to digestive disturbances, usually TUMS fixes mine, plus watching what I eat. Usually.

Please try not to be bummed about me... watching this crap is a lot better than not knowing about it at all!

Besides, I'm being watched over by a lot of angels. You're one of them.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


kiota too late for the stars
Moonfire Marion Bridge / Brad

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