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thirty-seven years drop away

So, first time back at the University of Colorado at Boulder in all that time.

I know this is going to bewilder some of you --- because that many years have no meaning. Because it will be a long time before your life grows that far.

It's 0345 as I'm typing this and I'm gonna scoot off to class with the kids this morning and see if I can find my old office again. Where my teaching work actually first started.

I immediately met myself again yesterday, as a first-year grad student. All the people, lovers, theatre pieces I helped create the lighting for, most of the buildings still right where I left them or right where they've been in my heart. Timelessly.

And all the evergreens right there on campus spoke to me. Yeah, they were there then, and I did not notice yet because I wasn't ready. They didn't change. But I did. Now look what they mean.

There was a thunderstorm. Ki, also as a first-year student, took the icon pic her first day at Evergreen last Fall, and grumbled that the weather is shitty. I danced in the puddles yesterday.

Of course with Ki there was all this time-travel too.... immediate for four days last April and online for years before that. But now she's spreading into times in my own life which actually started happening eighteen years before she was even born in New Jersey.

Or maybe she was there all the time and I just didn't yet have her face and body and heart and dreams, to meet with and share .... And of course that does not make one bit of logical sense at all.

But it is not supposed to.

Truths of the heart have their own logic, which if you learn it at all sometimes takes a lifetime.

More than one lifetime, in fact.

Other times you can see everything in an instant. And you do not have to physically die to do that. So I'm finding out in my new lessons. It's like desigining a whole new light plot to illuminate the same things in radically different ways. Radically = related to the Latin word for root.

I wrote about Ki moving our classroom all over the world. Now she's also doing it all over the years past. If they did.

I love it when we throw clocks away. Like Meowvatar and I am doing all the time now.

Moments can compress and years can drop away, all the time actually. Depends which way you're looking.

Or, more than looking: which way you are given the grace to follow, and the vision to see.

And to trust.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
logicalargument
Oct. 6th, 2008 02:15 pm (UTC)
I have the feeling that I will be re-reading this post a few more times, so I have added it to my LJ "memories." Thank you for writing this.
silverplate88
Oct. 6th, 2008 04:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Ellen. I'm always going to keep in mind that there are two co-authors here, Amy and Anna...
elvenforever
Oct. 9th, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC)
Awwwwwwwwww....*big huge smile*

If only you knew, Brad. If only you knew. And somehow I think you do, deep down.

Or maybe you don't see the graces that flow from you. We are often the last to see what is so obvious to others. But I'm sure in time even you will see it.

The future is more wonderful than you can possibly imagine now. *enormous hugs*
elvenforever
Oct. 9th, 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)
Truths of the heart have their own logic, which if you learn it at all sometimes takes a lifetime.

I love it when we throw clocks away. Like Meowvatar and I am doing all the time now.

Moments can compress and years can drop away, all the time actually. Depends which way you're looking.

Or, more than looking: which way you are given the grace to follow, and the vision to see.


Yes. Exactly. And all is beautiful; all is beautiful; all is beautiful indeed. :)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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Moonfire Marion Bridge / Brad

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