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Paris Hilton for President!

My name is Paris Hilton and I approve this message.
My name is not Paris Hilton and I am giggling lots. Like she usually does.

One of our American Presidential candidates has brought our sweet jailbird / jailbait Paris into the campaign. Kicking and screaming, of course.

Up to now her only position on energy was Red Bull.

Now she says that Barack and John should compromise: drill for oil offshore AND explore alternative energy fuel sources.

Since neither of our aspiring males will say that, it makes her the front runner.

Actually she can't run at all, that's not her position. She has only one position, it involves lying draped over a chaise, and a pool, and mostly undraped in a teeny bikini. You know, the one she outgrew at seven. There's some kind of cartoon magazine positioned strategically over .... well, go watch.

Commentators think that the whole thing is dubbed because of all the everyday miracles of animatronics and computer-generated voice tracks --- and that Miss Hilton usually has mondo trouble with anything over two syllables. They also observe that she is trying to avoid apathy and energize the male vote.

Or the male something.

She got three million hits on her site in a very short time.

Seriously, would you want her finger on the red button?

Guess it's how you define your terms: "finger" -- "on" --- "want" --- "red" --- And, of course, that B-word. Worked okay in Bill Clinton's impeachment, right?

But that's nothing next to Tyra Banks. She's running ads where she acts the role of Michelle Obama. Tyra is an attractive vote because she runs a big surplus in all of her business activities. Unlike our present government.

And everybody knows who Tyra Banks is, too.

Tyra could flit off to Baghdad and distract all the armed faith-pilgrims so much that the war would be over in five minutes. Google Lysistrata to read all about it. Those Classic Greek playwrights knew a thing or two.

Hilton assures us that "I'm hott." All Tyra has to do is stand there. And make puppy eyes.

And in late-breaking news, here comes my fave actress Scarlett the J moaning about those Emails she sent Barack. She moans something about a media feeding frenzy. Scarlett claims she very well knows that he's married. No comment on what her bf thinks of the Emails.

Well, I agree with Paris that she got one thing right. The campaign is certainly heating up.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
alexfiles
Aug. 7th, 2008 04:13 am (UTC)
I think Paris would be great! Because her ads are like, totally hot. Plus, she probably has a better moral compass than at least one of her rivals ;-)

"See you at the debates, bitches."

::dies laughing::

silverplate88
Aug. 7th, 2008 05:09 am (UTC)
Yeah, Alex, I just hooted at that because all of the earlier clips had the "bitches" part bleeped out. At five minutes to one in the morning, here she comes with that, unbleeped. Still rolling on the floor.

I also am totally tickled that she refers to McCain as that "wrinkly white-haired dude", and then I find out that her Mom and Dad are big McCain contributors.

Well, that was before all this. they'd want to support their duaghter's campaign, right?

And more of the clip tells me that this is not a comic book at all, it's a travel magazine. She takes it off her lap but it's all in close-up. I think she's studying bikinis in Maui while describing offshore drilling, all with her honeyed anesthetized voice....that voice alone I'd pick over the dudes, in a New York minute. It's the low-key pitch, I guess, I don't feel harangued at all.

DAMN I gotta get me an absentee ballot [maybe I'll be on this kibbutz in November, ha.] I'm a male more energized than ever. Now once she works out a deal with Tyra to be Co-President .....

I've never stayed in a Hilton. Guess that makes me a Hilton virgin? But I *do* vote!

Wonder if, when I sign up on her team, she'll pay me....
silverplate88
Aug. 7th, 2008 06:41 am (UTC)
"I'm not coming from the olden days. I don't promise change. I'm just hot."

She'll never make it in politics. Too honest.

Although it depends on your definition of "hot".

Seems I was wrong about her costume. The video producers were interviewed [ both male ] and one of them admitted it was his own bikini, the one he wears on Fire Island and at St. Tropez.
bravest_unsaid
Aug. 7th, 2008 12:28 pm (UTC)
This is tasteless and misogynistic. I'm disappointed to find it on your LJ.
silverplate88
Aug. 8th, 2008 01:45 am (UTC)
You are completely welcome to go somewhere else to be disappointed, with my blessings. I'm sure you will find many places.
bravest_unsaid
Aug. 8th, 2008 03:02 am (UTC)
Just to clarify, this is your way of saying that my criticism is unwelcome here, right?
gothicotter
Aug. 8th, 2008 08:54 am (UTC)
I just can't stand Paris Hilton.

Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard.
silverplate88
Aug. 8th, 2008 09:53 am (UTC)
Diffrent strokes for diffrent folks. Surely :)
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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