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why kiota is gone

A number of people have, in their anguish, blamed ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, campus security, her roommates, the Dean's office ... [did I leave anyone out?]

Eight days before she left, Kiota read a paper aloud to one of her classes: the assignment was to write a piece on some childhood memory that involved changing or departing. She posted the piece on another site, publicly, and asked for editing help. Its title was "Requiem For The Silent".

She read this in class two Fridays ago and the result was devastating to her: she got good feedback but she was emotionally destroyed by the presentation. The story concerned how she had been raped ten years ago by a trusted non-family adult [probably more than once]; who had done it; and how she felt about it. Remembering age nine from age nineteen.

As we know, her last post on LJ wept about "ten years, it's more than half my life" and "it just isn't working'. "It" meaning all the coping techniques she'd tried in order to erase the nightmares, daymares, SI, EDs, and everything else that proceeded from what happened. Drugs, confronting her subsequent rapists, therapy, moving half a world away, ....all of it. Trying to get at least a little stability into her life that would last for more than a week ....

Those of us who have followed Ki for some years know that she's constantly written about one kind of damage or another, in her ups and downs [mostly downs] as her life progressed beyond nine, and she's been very graphic both in a documentary way and in a creative way about what happened...writing about it year after year.

The dissociation she was forced to use at nine evolved into the same as she used this month. Only more lethal.

I think that man might just as well have killed her at nine as he raped her at nine.

For all the damage he caused her for the next ten years, and for whatever damage he's caused his own daughters, whom he treated exactly the same way, he needs to be held accountable, and this is way way past due.

Ki was working toward healing, both through writing and through web counseling and through her upcoming trip to the Far East in June - July to help take kids out of sexual exploitation rings. But that process was too slow to vanquish the monster she talks about in her paper. There was the real monster in 1998 and the symbolic one that she carried inside her everywhere she went, and was forced to battle with each day. Until last Sunday.

Child abuse is a global tragedy made up of thousands of individual ones. It needs to be stopped, yesterday.

Kiota's tortures have ceased, now, but for a world of others it goes on daily. She knew that, and right up to the end of her life she was working in whatever way she could to stop it. One life, one survivor at a time.

Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
celticaquila
Apr. 18th, 2008 02:11 pm (UTC)
It was, yes.
silverplate88
Apr. 18th, 2008 06:20 pm (UTC)
And by the sheerest chance, Douglas, I was out there and sharing some time with her over four days on campus: I flew back here Friday and she moved away from us Sunday. The first and last time we were to meet, though we'd been corresponding for aaaaaages --- as she spelled it!

I feel the next big tragic date will be April 30: her 19th birthday.
xpapergirl
Apr. 18th, 2008 01:02 pm (UTC)
This is so terrible. :(
bravest_unsaid
Apr. 18th, 2008 01:09 pm (UTC)
I didn't even realize until I read this...

God damn it.
kala_ayule
Apr. 18th, 2008 01:20 pm (UTC)
Unfortunately, knowing why doesn't really make this any easier. It's not going to change the fact that she is gone.
silverplate88
Apr. 18th, 2008 05:45 pm (UTC)
Yes, she is physically gone. But she can work through us in any way we decide to help in her causes. Preventing even one child from being abused and having her life wrecked this badly would be a sacred tribute to her.
lotus82
Apr. 18th, 2008 01:57 pm (UTC)
If I'm ever angry at someone, it is at that lowly creature who raped her. I'd kill him if I knew who he was.
I was at the funeral today. It was devastating.
silverplate88
Apr. 18th, 2008 05:43 pm (UTC)
Lois, I'd love to share in anything you felt if you wanna Gmail me when you are ready.

I'm here up near Canada and I did a vigil the entire night [here it was 3:30AM when the services started in Israel] ... just wrote her mom about it. Reviewed a ton of her writing and lots of her photos. From this far away I felt some closure, also the challenge of helping in the work she was so passionate about.
celticaquila
Apr. 18th, 2008 02:12 pm (UTC)
"Kiota's tortures have ceased, now, but for a world of others it goes on daily. She knew that, and right up to the end of her life she was working in whatever way she could to stop it. One life, one survivor at a time."

Amen.
silverplate88
Apr. 18th, 2008 06:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you, c-aquila. That's an honor.
teenie_tiny
Apr. 18th, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC)
I just read the Requiem of the Silent and it had me in tears and at the same time it's so beautifully written.

I hope that somehow some of Anna's work will get published... is still alive in her work/stories/poems/art.

I'm not really angry anymore...just sad, very sad.
silverplate88
Apr. 18th, 2008 05:39 pm (UTC)
I hope so too, tt. I think it will be up to whoever her heirs are, running her estate. I'm in touch with at least one gallery who's indicated interest in showing her photo work.

Requiem for The Silent is awesome. She was silent then and she is now silent again but she has a powerful voice that needs to be heard ...
sareya
Apr. 18th, 2008 06:36 pm (UTC)
Anna made an impact wherever she went. She will continue to make an impact as people continue to go to where she has been, and read what she had to say. She will continue to make people think.

Thank you for this post.
silverplate88
Apr. 18th, 2008 08:38 pm (UTC)
LOVE your icon, Sareya!
Anna will continue to make people think, and hopefully to DO what she ran out of time to do. Her debating and reasoning skills were awesome, and they never failed her at all. I'm always going to remember the face-to-face discussions we were having just last weekend...child abuse, abortion, even taking your own life ...
redacted
Apr. 18th, 2008 11:20 pm (UTC)
Thank you for writing this. I keep going back to kiota's journal and rereading the comments, seeing what's been added, trying to look for some kind of answers. I've come to yours a few times too, I guess looking for the same thing. And obviously there's no answer, but I think what you've written here is the first thing that makes me feel some sort of closure, that makes some kind of sense of all this. So thank you.

I just looked up "Requiem for the Silent"...she'd posted that on her LJ too, yes? I remember that being probably my favorite piece of writing she's done.
silverplate88
Apr. 18th, 2008 11:25 pm (UTC)
Not sure if it's in her LJ [think so] but it for sure is over at progressiveu dot org along with a lot of other stuff. "Requiem" over there has got a couple of very interesting editorial notes from her. It's all part of the scary and challenging tapestry of her life and explains a lot. For years she's been coming back to the same story in different forms, and the drive to help children was really born on those nights ten years ago, out of her tragedies, in my opinion.
redacted
Apr. 18th, 2008 11:44 pm (UTC)
She posted I guess an earlier version here, but what's on progressiveu has a lot added to it. It's brilliant.
silverplate88
Apr. 18th, 2008 11:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Love.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )