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Converting From Friends Only

Switching out of Friends Only [most of the time.] It's not needed anymore since... well, times have changed! Doesn't mean that Friends status isn't important to me, it is, it always will be :) You can talk to me by messaging me through my LJ mailbox to become a Friend, if you're not, already [it's at the top of of my Profile page]. But to get access to my J, well, almost always not necessary because you'll have it now.

I am a total LJ newbie as of August 2007 [thanks to Kiota.] It's Feb 12, 2008, this day, and I'm not quite so wet behind the ears now. Hopefully.


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Some mornings are like that.

Nope, so far only ONE morning is like that. This one, Thursday 18 May. Clouds predicted all day, heh. Not clouds like these, which are splintering the horizon sunshine as far as the evergreens run. Which is pretty far.

Crosspost to Ki: http://kiota.livejournal.com/52357.html

The icon is her photo, the other end of one day, across Hayden Lake, Idaho. She created it ten years ago and hands it to you right this minute as you read.

That tree lives here too. Along with all of these.

And all of us. Artists in our own rights. In our own definitions.

Time is NOT invited.


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A phrase from the sixties: "flower children" back then were hippies of all sexes who wore flowers in their hair, up and down, here and there, in public.

The two are the last survivors of a gathering of eight, given to me at the Volunteer Recognition Day for my teaching. There's plenty of rain but very little sunlight up here; and, actually, they crave replanting in a yard, which I do not have.

So, the memorial for Ki is here in photos. Which will outlast their fading away. For as long as people pass along by the journal to look at them.

Outlast the fading. As do all of her photo essays.


what am I leaving?

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest

Linkin Park, 2007 album, "Minutes to Midnight", song is "Leave Out All The Rest." YouTube has an awesome video of the song, go google them.

Is it really minutes to midnight by your clock? By mine?
You never know, do you.

In my case, my new Android-6 smartphone is screwing me, it refuses to tell me the time anyway, its camera just keeps taking pictures of my finger trying to turn the damned thing off (and failing.)

But sometimes you don't need any kind of clock to tell if it's 11:58PM.
Your body already knows.

Crossposting to Ki:

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For One Moment of Love

Honoring Kiota's music:


The post title is from Nightwish's song:

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel
Your Virgin Mary undone...
Deep into a dying day
I took a step outside...
I'm going down
So frail and cruel;
Your touch my bliss..."

But nope, I don't need to wish at all. It's not one moment, but all of them. Or, one moment is lasting one eternity.

And how long is one eternity? "Guess I'll find out / When I get there..."

Learning To Fly.

(Nawwww, that's Tom Petty, not Ki.)

Isn't it?

Remembering Allison

May 4, 2017. Today.

May 4, 1970. Forty-seven years ago.

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Allison Krause had been an honor student at Kent State University in Ohio, planning to finish up her freshman year and move on, she talked about opening an art gallery in Canada. With her Kent State boyfriend.

But she was shot by a sharpshooter in the Ohio National Guard, struck by a round piercing her chest and tumbling through her abdomen and causing fatal internal hemorrhages, struck as she was diving for cover behind a parked VW. DOA at the hospital, they couldn't control the bleeding.

The Guard killed three other unarmed students that day, shooting into the crowd of demonstrators protesting President Nixon's invasion of the neutral nation of Cambodia. During the Vietnam War.

Allison was a few days past her 19th birthday.

Nixon publicly was ordering an investigation at the same time he was on the phone to his AG John Mitchell, ordering him to cover up the identities of who shot those "bums". In whatever judicial investigations were organized.

So nobody was convicted for the murders. Not then, not 47 years later, right now.

Just as Kiota's life was ended so very early, so with Allison: never would we have any more healings, any more artistic creations, writings, photography, what have you -- from either one of them.

Allison had been working with mentally-impaired young people, trying to get them to communicate. With one great success.

Neil Young, a rather durable folk icon of the 60's and 70's, wrote in his song "Ohio":

"...This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground?
How can you run when you know?"

On the ground. In a dorm room. Yes, many years apart... Ki was born almost 20 years later than Kent State, 40 years later than Allison. But both were rebels.

On the ground, in a corner of a dorm room --- half a country apart, too.

They never met each other, did not know each other then.

But they do now.

Calamity's Child

David Bowie, 1974:

So what you wanna know, Calamity's Child?
Where you wanna go?
You can't get enough
But enough ain't the test
You've got your transmission and your live wire
And you've torn your dress
You're a juvenile success,
You want more
And you want it fast...
REBEL, REBEL, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so
Hot tramp, I love you so

Bowie in 1974 and Ki, right now: that IS a live wire. Full of power, shooting sparks, shooting stars. Bridges to stars.

Crossposting: http://kiota.livejournal.com/50536.html

October and April

The last full night I lived in Cambridge, I did a number of candle studies. The late Fall weather was unhappy, lots of wind and rain, took many tries before I got both candles to stay lighted long enough.

........... IMG_2416 wind candle reflections LJ.JPG

Both of them had been finished with metallic chips embedded in the shafts. Of course there's lots of symbolism... the shorter one is Kiota's, and it sits inside the box my telephoto lens for our Digital Rebel T5i came in. Its glossy board reflects a third candle image. And my Rebel picked it right up, I hadn't noticed that before...

I'd be boarding a plane the next day, taking off across the country to Olympia and Evergreen, with no firm idea where I'd be staying or what kind of med attention I'd be meeting with (lots less than I would be needing, it turned out).. but that night I was one with the passion of the wind and the waterfalls, and even made a backdrop out of a patient bag from MGH, where I'd spent dozens of days and nights in 2015 (with no 'literal' candles.)

Not that I didn't care. About the uncertainty.

But I was mainly relaxed, filled with comfort at not being alone at all.

I expected plenty of challenges to come in Washington State, and they have. And they keep on coming. But I don't face them alone, no way.

October and April. April 30 twenty-eight years ago is her birthday. April 13 nine years ago is her re-birthday. And in a different way, and certainly inside and outside a different world, October 3 last year was my own.

Candles in the rain. There will be fire longer than there will be Aprils. Or Octobers.

Crossposting: http://kiota.livejournal.com/50031.html

until the sky falls down over me

"I wanna stand with you on the mountain
I wanna walk with you on the sea
I wanna lie like this forever
Until the sky falls down over mee..."
"Ooh Baby do you know what that's worth?
Ooh Heaven is a place on earth
They say in Heaven, love comes first:
We'll make heaven a place on earth..."

With help from Belinda Carlisle and Savage Garden.

And Ki of course.

Crossposting: http://kiota.livejournal.com/49410.html

you're not a star

icon is an image from Ki, "Larissa surprised." One of her dorm building-mates.

"she looked like an angel" is a quote from Ki's crossPost.

No, you're not a star. You're many more than just one.

One of the things that happened in a couple months from now in 2008 --- the funds which paid for the trip you never took were sent overseas to Cambodia anyway, to help your kids. After I did that, your photography team director sent this photo back to me. It's four of the children you would have met and bonded with at the orphanage where you were volunteering....

Kiotas Cambodia Family

Each pair of them is related in some way, sisters or cousins.

April 18, 2008. Friday. Ten-thirty at your grave was three-thirty in the morning at the University of Vermont Med Center library, I was sitting alone at a table in the foyer keeping a vigil. For the first time --- of infinite times to come --- I felt you so close I wept.

April 18, 2017. Tuesday. Evergreen State College library. Three in the afternoon. Sitting here writing this post.

Your courage is nine years stronger now. Your guidance and help, too. Your presences.